When you're walking your dog you're gonna get stopped. That's a given. People love dogs and they want to pay lots of attention to them. That said, some people pay SO much attention to the dog that they fail to recognize that there's a person there too. Without so much as a simple greeting, they begin petting your dog as though as if it were their own. They treat talking to your dog like their own private moment, as you just stand there waiting for this person. When they have their fill of puppy time, they get up and leave without saying a word. No 'Goodbye'. No 'Thank you for waiting for 10 minutes while I play with your pet". If you didn't hate talking to strangers, you'd be offended.


This person also acts like you're not there, but that somehow doesn't stop them from trying to talk to you anyway. They have lots to say, but they filter everything through your dog first. Instead of asking you what the dog's name is, they look your pooch square in the eyes and says "WHO ARE YOU?!?" Then they wait for you to answer the question like your some sort of translator. We all, want to talk to dogs but that's not possible yet. Stop acting like you can and stop dragging me into your weird fantasy.


Dogs attract people to you, and that means that dogs attract weirdos to you. While most people just want to meet your dog, a select few just want to talk to anyone and they know they can use your dog as their in. They spend two seconds petting your dog before turning to you and rattling off their entire life story, and it's not long before you realize that there's something a little bit off.  By the time they're telling you their theory about how Palestine isn't real, you realize you need to get out of this conversation but you don't know how. You curse your dog for being so cute and enticing. Bad dog!


Of course, your dog's ability to attract strangers isn't all bad. Every now and then, someone stops to say hi that actually seems like a nice normal person. What's more, this person actually seems interested in you, and the two of you actually end up having a nice conversation. If you didn't know they were only talking to you because of your dog, you'd think this was the start of something special.


This person wants to know EVERYTHING THERE is to know about your dog. They ask question after question, pumping you for knowledge about your dog that they objectively have no use for:

"What's his name?"

"What breed is he?"

"How old?"

"What's his sign?"

"What's his blood type?"

"If he barks in the woods and nobody's around to her it, does he make a sound?"

You feel like you're back in middle school being subjected to a pop quiz and you don't know why. You wish you could tell them to get out of your dog's business, but instead you just stand there answering their questions like the coward you are.



A more malicious subcategory of The Quizmaster, The Judge uses the information they pump out of you in order to make you feel guilty.

"Did you adopt?"

"You know collars are inhumane, right?"

"Why aren't they wearing shoes? You know they put salt on the sidewalk in winter, right?"

By the time they're done petting your dog you feel like you're unfit to care for another living creature. It takes some soul searching before you remember that they are the asshole, not you.


The people who stop to pet your dog suck. The only thing worse are the people who DON'T pet stop to pet your dog. Instead, they just walk by as if your dog isn't the cutest little baby in the whole wide world. Who the fuck do they think they are? I don't want you to pet my dog, but if you don't want to pet my dog there's something wrong with you.