You may have heard that Donald Trump's in a bit of hot water as of late, due to (improbably) a recording from Access Hollywood involving a lewd conversation with host Billy Bush where the two talk (pretty grotesquely) about women as sex objects and little more (and that ends with Billy Bush super creepily encouraging a woman to hug Donald). Lots of Republicans and conservatives are renouncing Trump and unendorsing him out of disgust, but there's still a major contingent of his supporters who are defending Trump til the bitter end - and here are 5 of the weirdest avenues they've picked:

1. "He's Just Saying Stuff You Hear In Rap Music!"

What's the difference between a presidential candidate discreetly describing sexually assaulting women (and then trying to get them fired from their jobs if they reject him) and rap songs? Absolutely nothing! 

Of course, there's a few slight differences between rap songs and presidential candidate Donald Trump, including:

  • No one is voting for the entire genre of rap music for president
  • Rap music isn't an actual human being describing real sexual assaults against women who millions are considering voting into the highest public office in America
  • Very few rap songs actually say anything resembling "grab 'em by the pussy."

Beyond that, it's a stupid and blatantly ignorant belief that rap music is somehow more gross or lewd than any other genre of music - Ariana Grande just released a pop song about having so much sex that she can't walk afterwards and - hell - insanely dirty songs have been coming out for a long time, stretching from jazz to rock 'n roll and everything in-between.

Regardless, no one is saying voting for a human being is the same as voting for some kind of music.

2. "He's Just Like The Heroes in the Bible!"

Here's an unexpected defense - Donald Trump is basically more or less like the heroes of the Bible. Yes, the Bible. Because Donald Trump only said "I moved on her like a bitch." because he was chosen by God to lead America?

Forget the fact that Donald Trump is pretty unique amongst Republican presidential candidates for his distinct LACK of religious fervor (or even basic knowledge of what different books of the Bible are called), it seems pretty insane to compare ANY modern politician to actual saints in spite of saying "grab 'em by the pussy", let alone BECAUSE of that.

One of the big conservative thinkers pushing this line of thinking is famous Twitter guy Bill Mitchell, who looks exactly like Patrick Warburton after dying his hair white:


So not only is it okay that Trump said this stuff, it means he's been DIVINELY CHOSEN FOR GREATNESS.

3. "He Just Said Dirty Things Like In 50 Shades of Grey!"


Oh boy. Well, where to begin?

  • No one is mad that Trump said the word "pussy" - they're mad about the context of him saying he would grab women by the pussy in a manner that seems like it doesn't involve consent.
  • Real life sexual assault and erotic fiction are not the same thing.

Although at this point I'm really curious who would win if an erotic fiction book ran against rap music for the presidency.

4. "This IS Normal Locker Room Talk!"

Listen, for some people, this IS pretty normal for their private conversations. And those people are friggin' weirdo creeps - normally talking this way about objectifying and assaulting women is indicative of a way larger problem amongst people who don't realize that it SHOULD NOT BE NORMAL.

And even when people do talk crudely in locker rooms, it should not be reminiscing about grabbing women by their vaginas.

5. "Bill Clinton's a Rapist!"

Here's one of the biggest line of defenses for Trump supporters - not defending him at all and reminding people that Bill Clinton is bad too! And ya know what? They're right - Bill Clinton has a long and murky history of sexual indiscretions and at least one credible rape accusation against him...just like Donald Trump. But equating Donald Trump with Bill Clinton misses something: YOU'RE SUPPORTING DONALD TRUMP AND VILIFYING BILL CLINTON. If you vilify one for their history of sexual assault, why wouldn't you vilify them both?

But more importantly, Bill Clinton isn't the one running for president - Hillary Clinton is. The attacks against Bill Clinton come with the understanding that Hillary doesn't exist as her own person, but rather just an extension of her husband. Did she have a role in defending her husband against allegations and enabling his behavior? Possibly - but that's a far cry from being the one actually committing any acts of sexual assault.

And while there are certainly questions of how well Hillary Clinton has been an advocate for sexual assault victims in her personal life, she's actually done an incredible amount for women in her professional career - which, is, ya know, the thing we're actually supposed to be judging these candidates on. Not to say that that alone means you should vote for Hillary Clinton, but to equate Hillary Clinton's husband's history of sexual misconduct with Donald Trump's own history and saying they're on equal footing with regards to treatment of women as a whole is nuts.