1 Cornstalks

Apparently these are supposed to conjure up images from horror favorites "Children of the Corn" or "Signs." In actuality, they conjure up images of delicious food ... and probably marijuana.

2 A Woman Giving Birth

Yes, pregnancy is a scary thought, which explains the popularity of condoms. But a zombie woman giving birth to a cabbage patch doll isn't going to make me scream. Show me a positive pregnancy test, though, and I'll shit my pants.

3 Strobe Lights

Because what's scarier than a bad acid trip while at a rave, right? Wrong. The blinding strobelights give you headaches and eye spots for about three days, and illuminate those two haunted house workers smoking a bowl in the middle of the pitch black maze.

4 Uneducated Rednecks

It seems odd that haunted houses' most devoted audience, the blue collar American, is always demonized inside these thrilling trips. Judging by the redneck monsters in every haunted house, our biggest fear should be flannels with sleeves cut out--and, of course, not going to college.