That party in there? Man. Bunch of rich pretentious businessy types listening to a fancy piano and sipping champagne flutes and discussing their yacht portfolios. I just came out here to this porch/patio/nearby-beach get some fresh air. Wait, YOU see through the pretentious bullshit too?? Even though it's YOUR FAMILY'S APARTMENT?? Wow. We have a connection. Ahh, but I'm just a random guy who's here for the free snacks, it could never work...


2 Youre introduced to them and their irredeemable asshole fianc

Man, that guy she's with is a TOTAL ASSHOLE. But I see through that, and I actually RESPECT her. Well, I don't respect her decision to be with that total asshole. But other than that I totally respect her! Next up: proving to her that the man she's agreed to spend the rest of her life with totally sucks.


OH MY GOD I'm so sorry, I'm such a klutz! Ohh nooo, my boss' oily ball bearings are everywhere. Oh thank you so much for helping me pick them up. Yesterday I did the same thing and strangers were walking by spitting on me instead of helping. Tough town. Anyway, thanks again, have a nice life! Oh you're heading to this elevator?


I work for a big magazine -- it's called like, SMASH or JADE or BRUSQUE or something -- and we'd like to do a big feature on you, the "Rebel Paleontologist" with the heart of gold. Lemme ask you... with all your fame, fortune, and legions of groupies... how come you never settled down?


5 You get into a fight with a stranger then later someones like Id like you to meet your new BOSS, also my DAUGHTER and youre like GULP

Lemme tell you guys about this insane lady I met in the lobby! First, she makes fun of my pickup line. Next, she dumps an entire iced coffee on my head. And THEN -- she dumps another larger iced coffee on my head! I tell ya, that was one UP-TIGHT.... UHHHHHGULLLPPPP IT'S HER!