LISTEN UP. Guy Who Loves Star Wars and Batman and Constantly Complains About Them here, and I've got some really serious opinions about the new Star Wars and Batman movies, and now you're gonna HEAR em because they need to be SAID. #SorryNotSorry

First off, let me say that after 46 years on earth, I can honestly say that I want nothing but more Star Wars things and more Batman things on an endless loop forever. I enjoy those things, and who's got time for new things? The only problem is... the new versions of those things look TERRIBLE. UGHH why do they look so TERRIBLE??

The new things should be GOOD like the old ones, not TERRIBLE like the new ones! Just one man's opinion though. As if Hollywood actually CARES about the real fans anymore, in their pursuit of the "almighty dollar."

Star Wars: THE FORCE AWAKENS? Are you KIDDING me with this title??? What, was the Force ASLEEP or some shit? Come ON. In my opinion they should have titled it something great, NOT something stupid. How about a riveting, classic title like "Return of the Jedi" or "Star Wars." Those titles = SO good. This one = Uhhh, so NOT?

Also, BEN AFFLECK is the new Batman? Are you SHITTING me with this shit? Why wouldn't they just cast someone awesome then make the movie awesome? My God. It's like they're TRYING to be bad, instead of trying to be good, which in my opinion is what they should be doing. Who's going to be Robin...MATT DAMON? Haha. He's a good actor and would be good as Robin. But still, come ON, you know? Be better.

In conclusion, I can't wait to see pics of the new Bat-Suit and complain about it, and stills from the new Star Wars just to see how crappy it is, then watch teaser trailers for both movies that probably SUCK, then watch the real trailers for the movies that probably suck even more, then the worst part, watching the films and never getting those hours of my life back. I am already seething. Like, are you kidding me?? Strike three, Hollywood.

Why aren't things just great like they used to be? When I watched the cinema-history-altering film Star Wars at an age when I didn't instantly hate all things, I was riveted. But now I watch stuff and it's just bad, you know? Will things ever be good again?? Who knows. Also the new Batman looks bad.

OH! You know what the WORST part is? My kids watch this new stuff and they friggin' LOVE it. They get so much joy out of it. Like, do they not see how BAD it is?? Learn to like good things you idiots! My God.

Anyway, my lunch half hour's over, but that's my general opinion. Not that anyone cares. Just make the new movies so all of us like them, instead of so all of us hate them, and it will be good. But I'm not holding my breath.


Guy Who Only Wants Star Wars and Batman Things Forever Then Complains About Them

P.S. HAN SHOT FIRST. Also Batman was cooler before than now.