There's nothing quite like a TRUE New York Bodega: They're part deli, part grocery store, part liquor store, and part 'place to lean mops', all wrapped up in one convenient probably-illegal shop full of stepstools!

Ever wonder how you can start your OWN New York Bodega?? It's easy! Just follow these 7 Simple Steps and you'll be selling stamps and 40s to underagers faster than you can say "three fifty, Boss."


STEP 1: Decorate your building with a haphazard photo-collage of Coffee, Bagels, a Sandwich, and a bunch of other random shit you clearly don't sell.




STEP 2: Put up a sign with a bunch of random almost-correct words on it.



STEP 3: Time to name your store! Remember to pick a name that's either WAY too vague and forgettable, or WAY too fancy and ambitious.


STEP 4: Stock your shelves with the Weirdest GOYA Canned Foods you can find.


STEP 5: Anytime someone buys a drink, give them the necessary accessories:


- Straw

- Black Bag

- Paper Towels

- Plastic Knife, Fork, Spoon, and Spork

- Tiny Paper Bags (For Cans)

- Large Paper Bags (For Storing The Small Paper Bags)

- Giant Paper Bags (To Crawl Into And Sack-Race Your Friends Home)

- Five More Straws

- Stolen Prepaid Calling Card

- One Straw To Rule Them All

- Illustrated Road Atlas of the US and Canada

- Helper Monkey

STEP 6: Make a menu of cool "Specialty" Deli Sandwiches.



STEP 7: Now find a cat and let it roam free in the store and you're done!

If the cat proves reliable, teach it how to sell stolen batteries and promote it to night manager.


Also let the cat sell drugs and launder money so you can remain profitable.

And that's all there is to it! Now fire up that grill ;-)