Oh, I'm so happy to finally be back home after this long day at work. Now I can relax, and have some "me" time. I think I'll start by making dinner. But what should I make? Hmm, I think I'll go with my favorite dish: everything I have in my fridge mixed together in a blender. VRRRRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMM. Nope, not soft enough. I'll give it another 4 minutes of mixing. VRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMM. Yes, now it's perfect.

Oh, look at this. I'm just in time for the new episode of Mad Men. But I want to be really focused when I watch it, so I shouldn't watch it during my meal. I'll just dvr it and watch when I'm done. In the meanwhile, I'll put on some MTV or something. Ooh, I LOVE this song. Better crank it up to the maximum volume! This is how Skrillex should be listened to! YEAH!!

Wow, that was a great song. And a great meal. I'm starting to really relax. I should hit the shower though, before I sit down to watch TV. I love showers, it's the only place where I allow myself to sing my heart out, really, really loud. I love the privacy of it. I'M ALL OUT OF FAITH, THIS IS HOW I FEEL, I'M COLD AND I'M ASHAMED, LYING NAKED ON THE FLOOR!! Oh, Natalie Imbruglia. You're my favorite singer.

Okay, no more stalling. It's time to watch the show. Wait a second. What the hell? The portrait of my beloved dog fell of the wall! I should hang it back up. Actually, now that it's down, maybe I should move it to my bedroom? It would look so much better there. Yes, I'll just take my hammer and nails and BANG BANG BANG!!! Get it really tight in there. BANG! BANG!!

Yes, this does look good. I can't wait for my wife to come home and see it hanging right above our bed. Hey, it's actually her in the driveway right now. Hi, baby. Do you like this dog portrait above our bed? You don't? Oh my god! I can't believe you. I knew you hated this dog all along! Let's have a screaming fight for about 40 minutes. In fact, this is such a big fight we're having, I think we should start throwing things, too! A vase-- BAM! Some glasses-- CRACK! The dog portrait-- SMACK!!

Okay, I forgive you. Let's make up by having the loudest sex in the history of the world.

That was amazing, darling. Now that it's settled, I should hang the portrait back. BANG BANG BANG! All this banging of you and the portrait made me really energized. I think I'll go out to my shed and finish building that chair with my electric saw. Oh, look at that, the lawn needs mowing, too. I'll get right on that now.

Wow, that was a long evening. Time for bed.


What was that?

God damn it, it's that stupid neighbor hunting a fly with a newspaper again. Always in the middle of the night, that loud bastard.