Flowchart: Should You Go Out Tonight?

By Hallie Cantor

Do you have any Facebook invitations?
Yes. → Are any of them to a party?
No. → Can you text someone and tag along with whatever they're doing?

Are any of them to a party?
Well...an improv show. Does that count? → No. → Can you text someone and tag along with whatever they're doing?
Yeah. → Will you know anyone there besides the host?

Will you know anyone there besides the host?
Yes. → Anyone you have a decent chance of making out with?
No. → Do you feel like making small talk with strangers?

Anyone you have a decent chance of making out with?
Maybe ;) → Go out and make some drunken memories!
Nah. → How far away is it?

How far away is it?
Down the street. → Go out and make some drunken memories!
Across the city. → How tired are you?

Can you text someone and tag along with whatever they're doing?
No, I hate everyone. → Nahhhhhhh, stay home.
I guess. → Do you feel like making small talk with strangers?

Do you feel like making small talk with strangers?
God no. → Are you in the middle of a show on Netflix?
Actually, yes, this is the one night of the year when I feel super-outgoing. → How far away is it?

Are you in the middle of a show on Netflix?
Hold on, let me get back to you after this episode. → Nahhhhhhh, stay home.
Not really. → Will your roommates make fun of you if you stay home?

Will your roommates make fun of you if you stay home?
No, they're even lamer than me. → Nahhhhhhh, stay home.
Probably. → How tired are you?

How tired are you?
So tirezzzzzzzzzzz → Nahhhhhhh, stay home.
Not tired. I drank like 3 mochaccinos after lunch. → Ew. → Go out and make some drunken memories!