What You're Really Saying With Your Dating App

By Hallie Cantor

tinder
I want to have sex with anyone.

grindr
I want to have sex with anyone with a penis.

bang with friends
I want to have sex with anyone who went to my high school.

badoo
I am in an ad on the subway.

okcupid
I'm normal! I promise! Please believe me!

match.com
I know you can't buy happiness, but I think you can probably buy a significant other.

jdate
I want to date someone just like my parents!

christian mingle
I want to date someone just like my parents, but not have sex!

hinge
I love that my friends are more attractive than me.

grouper
I hate that my friends are more attractive than me.

how about we
I bet I'm quirkier than you.

lulu
I'm so over my ex that I spend time writing mean things about them on the internet.

eharmony
I am one million years old.

facebook
I don't know what a dating site is.