I Really Enjoyed That Picture of Your Penis

Thanks for sending me that picture of your penis! It really brightened my day!
It's funny, I was just sitting here thinking of you when my phone beeped, and suddenly, there it was — an e-mail from you with that telltale photo attachment, cleverly titled "monster.jpeg".
I hope you don't mind me saying so, but your penis really brings out your eyes. It's quite attractive! And I don't tell that to just anyone. Seriously. You must get complimented on it all the time. Really? You don't? I'll bet you're just being shy.
Although we've been emailing, texting and chatting online for a few weeks, since we haven't gotten a chance to meet in person yet, I hope you know that receiving a picture of your penis really helped break the ice for me. You've done a great job of showing, without the need for words, just how totally down to earth and approachable you are. I'm so grateful to have seen this side of you.
Not only that, but I can't tell you how many promising relationships I've entered into, only to eventually discover, upon becoming intimate, that I wasn't into how my partner's penis looked. As I'm sure you know, that's pretty much a deal breaker for most women. I don't ask for much out of a relationship, but a good looking penis is non-negotiable. Happily, your photo confirms what I had been dearly hoping to find — that your junk is aesthetically pleasing, and also appears to be in good working order. In fact, it's quite photogenic! Have you done any penis-modeling in the past? I mean it!
In fact, now that the floodgates have opened, don't be shy — I'd like to see a few more angles, maybe in some better lighting, if you've got time. And maybe with some other objects in the shot, for perspective?
There's only so much I can tell about someone just from his online dating profile. Sure, I now know that you are handsome, smart, well-read, and love to cook. But there are other things it is important to learn about a man when you are sizing up their romantic potential—and that's when dick pics really come in handy. For instance, are they confident, shy, or tumescent? Do they lean to the right or left, politically? What's their grooming situation like? These are the things I really need to be aware of before I am able to consider whether a casual date might have the potential to become something more serious.
Finally, I'm especially glad I didn't have to come right out and ask you to send me a picture of your penis — that, like a sensitive gentleman, you were able to assess, through only my e-mail and text communications, that seeing a digital image of your manhood was important to me. A lady doesn't like to have to ask you to send her a picture of your penis — and I appreciate that that you are aware of this. I may be a modern girl, but a little old-fashioned chivalry still goes a long way these days!