A nurse, before she gave me a shot, asked me where I wanted the needle. Now, I'm no medical expert, but shouldn't she be, well, a medical expert? Put it where it hurts the least and is most effective. If that spot doesn't exist, then put it away.

Do hospitals have something against solid colors? They gave me a simple pair of blue pants, but it came with one plaid robe, one rainbow striped robe, and beige socks with blue treads on them. You don't need to look your best, but I don't think anything is more embarrasing than Jacob and the Technicolor hospital gown.

I think the people on ER are horrible actors. I've seen several episodes, and on everyone of them, desk attendants don't come across as complete morons. Where is the realism, people?

Ever been to health services on campus? You notice they think that the same thing causes every illness? "What's that? You have a fever, the sniffles, and you say you have a craving for chicken soup? Have you been having sex?"

Campus health services to real doctors is like Columbia football is to the NFL. Sure people on Columbia's football team can play better football than I can, but I'm only going to the game cause it's free.

Like this column? Then buy the book!