A friend of mine once yelled at me for breathing too loud near him, but apologized the next day and explained that his temper came from him being sick. Sorry, but I don't think there's such thing as a 24-hour Turrets syndrome.

If you start to doubt your relationship, all you have to do is come down with a cold. If your girlfriend or boyfriend shows up with chicken soup and a rented movie, you're fine. If they say "give me a call when you're feeling better," I'd put the folks from "Temptation Island" on speed dial.

Do you have a friend who has to blame someone whenever they get sick? "Dammit Steve, you had a cold last week. I must have caught it from you." Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have used your pillow as a handkerchief and ground my wet tissues into your eggs. My bad.

Every semester, I get knocked out for at least a few days, but every last one of my professors is never too sick to make it to class. Doctorates must come with a life-time supply of Sudafed and a three-pound box of Kleenex.

Someone once asked me why I get sick so often. I downed my shot, pushed my beer to the side, finished my pizza, and told him I had no idea.

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